Postpartum Depression in Men

“Surprise!” says the sign decorating the front lawn. It’s a joyous welcoming of this new member to the family. All eyes are on the newcomer and the mother, with friends and relatives at their disposal, checking in with their feelings and delivering what the pair needs. The father, on the other hand, receives far less attention.

It’s not always suns and rainbows in this period. Many believe that depression after giving birth (known as ‘postpartum depression’) is only experienced by women, predicating the belief that any similar feelings felt by the man are merely a secondary effect of the mother. This is not strictly true, and we’re here to debunk why.

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Depression in men (specifically fathers) can be, and often is, totally unrelated to their partners' feelings. It doesn’t discriminate on gender, age, personality, or even socio-economic conditions - depression can affect absolutely anyone.

It’s no secret that men are more likely to share their feelings and this is essentially thanks to long-ingrained societal norms for men to be “strong”, high-functioning, and supporting the family as the breadwinner for the household. For this reason, men may find great difficulty in identifying the signs of depression in themselves.

We typically associate the “baby blues” with women, since they have experienced a great physical shift from the moment of getting pregnant, growing the baby, to giving birth. This does not negate that fathers can also experience depression from moments as early as the mother. Men can suffer from great anxiety prior to birth, and it’s been found that as many as one in four dads experience such symptoms. These are especially common between 3-6 months following birth.

As mentioned, those with a partner already experiencing postpartum symptoms might be at greater risk of postpartum depression. Furthermore, men with a history of depression and/or anxiety are also at a higher risk. Other contributors may be:

  • A troubled relationship (pre-birth)

  • Low self-esteem

  • First-time fatherhood

  • Feelings of inadequacy as a parent

  • Difficulty adjusting to a new life

Risks/Factors for Male and Female Postpartum Depression

  • A socially and emotionally weak support system: couples may feel insecure handling their new responsibilities, feeling an urgent need for practical and emotional support

  • Both may face issues related to lose and grief

  • Unmet expectations: couples may feel let down and frustrated following the birth, leading to deep feelings of disappointment and sadness

  • Physical and mental demands: couples may struggle with the physical and mental adjustment that comes with caring for a newborn

  • Trauma: couples may have experienced a traumatic childbirth

Risk Factors Specific to Men

  • Financial concern: The father may feel intense anxiety or stress around his financial responsibilities while juggling fatherhood with his career

  • Physical bond: mothers have many opportunities to bond with the baby during pregnancy and immediately after birth. Fathers may feel left behind and guilty that it takes longer for them to establish this connection with the newborn. In addition to this, some men may even feel like a third wheel 

  • Cultural expectations: cultural expectations may conflict with individual expectations or the reality of fatherhood. In reality, the father may feel overwhelmed with his new responsibilities, as well as feel deep guilt for not meeting these cultural expectations

  • Sexual frustrations: frustrations and unmet needs in what was once a healthy sexual relationship

  • Apprehension and feelings of inadequacy: he may experience stress in witnessing the physical changes in his partner, and feel apprehensive about the coming changes to their lifestyle as a couple. He may feel a sense of inadequacy and uncertainty about his role in taking care of his partner

Signs of Postpartum Depression in Men:

Physical signs:

  • Tiredness

  • Headaches

  • General body aches and pains

  • Changes in appetite

  • Changes in sleep patterns

  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs 

  • Loss of libido

Emotional signs:

  • Frequent sadness

  • Anger, irritability, and aggression

  • Lack of interest in sex and intimacy

  • Feelings of hopelessness, overwhelm, losing control, and unable to cope

  • Withdrawal from closest family and friends

  • Withdrawal from favorite activities

  • Loss of interest in work, or even increasing work hours to avoid the family situation

How to Approach Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression can have serious consequences for both men and women as a couple, as individuals, and on the life of their newborn. If symptoms go untreated, then this can have deep-rooted, negative effects on their child's development and beyond, so it’s critical to catch these symptoms before they spiral any further. 

A mother’s depression can hugely impact the father’s ability to keep focus at work, having a trickle-down effect on his ability to support the family both financially, physically, and most importantly; mentally. Fathers experiencing their own mental turmoil may get lost in their own confusion with feelings such as overwhelm, isolation, or a sense of disappointment in themselves, their partner, or their family. It’s not uncommon for men to feel ashamed of these feelings and deny they’re experiencing a form of emotional or mental struggle.

Despite outdated societal norms, there is no shame in admitting struggle after the birth of a child, regardless of whether you are the mother or the father.

Fatherhood is an enormous task, just as it is for motherhood. It’s not like we’re trained or given a handbook on foolproof parenting and there’s really minimal support given from the system! We recommend taking these incremental steps:

  1. Know that you are not alone: there are so many Dads (and Moms) going through the same, if not very similar thing as you.

  2. Take care of your physical wellbeing: eat well, get some movement or exercise where you can, take the opportunity to rest and sleep

  3. Take care of your emotional wellbeing: talk about your feelings to your partner, friends, or other relatives

  4. Avoid detrimental behaviors such as drinking alcohol and using drugs

If you experience any of the aforementioned symptoms (particularly if these last for more than 2-3 weeks), feel empowered to ask for the help of a counselor or psychotherapist. Remember this is not a sign of weakness, but a signal that you care about yourself and the well-being of your family. At Footprint, we understand this can take time, and we will be there with you every step of the way. 

Our team is here for you to speak to in confidence, no matter what stage of the process you’re at, at any time of day. You’ve got this far, and now you’re just one step away. Get in touch with us today.