Can I Fall in Love Again? How to Heal a Broken Heart 

“The heart was made to be broken”

Oscar Wilde (1962), ‘The letters of Oscar Wilde’

As alluded to by one of history's most well-known playwrights, heartbreak is a part of the human experience and it often hurts more than any other personal tragedy. It brings deep feelings of loss; loss of someone, loss of a lifestyle, an opportunity; a sense of self. Heartbreak can materialize in different forms such as: 

  • A romantic breakup

  • A friendship breakup

  • Cutting ties with a family member

  • Loss of a beloved pet

  • Loss of a home or belongings

  • Loss of a job or a professional opportunity

The experience of love and heartbreak affects both our physical health and our mental health. Mentally, it can cause a considerable amount of emotional stress and anxiety - particularly if the loss was unanticipated. 

Physically this means a surge in stress hormones such as Cortisol which impacts our immune system and metabolism (hence why your appetite may change or you may start to feel physically weaker). In other words, we’re sent into our natural state of fight or flight and this can take weeks, months, or even years to recover from.

Understanding your feelings

A sense of loss in routine can entail anything from missing habits such as hand-holding or a cup of tea in the morning, to more specific activities such as working towards a future goal or dream together.  Losing such habits or daily pursuits can trigger feelings of anger, betrayal, regret, and shame, to the deepest feelings of self-doubt and struggle in this new position of solitude. It can bring forth feelings of fear but also a relief. Ultimately, neither of these is wrong and is a natural emotional response to displacement and grief. We may even go through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

 Self-help tools during a heartbreak:

There are several things you can do to cope with heartbreak and allow you to start moving on:

  • Physical activity: Taking regular exercise in a way you enjoy and will maintain

  • Yoga, meditation, or mindfulness practice: Reminding yourself to stay in the present

  • Keep occupied: Doing things you enjoy to distract yourself from triggering memories

  • Take a calming break: Allocating relaxation time or a day off work to allow yourself to breathe and progress the healing process

  • Communicate: Talk to friends and family, or communicate with yourself by writing down your thoughts and feelings

  • Frame things with a positive mindset: Avert negative thoughts from spiraling into rash decisions, binge eating, frenzy dating, and self-medication using alcohol or drugs

  • Eat healthily and routinely: Prioritize nourishing foods which will make you feel physically stronger

  • Sleep: Establish a good sleep routine to maintain hormone balance and allow your body to recover from the day's stresses

Just like any major transition, it takes time to adjust, establish a new routine, and feel you are in a strong position. Remind yourself that you are worthy of good things and they will manifest from positive thoughts.

When to seek help:

There’s no shame in struggling with the emotions caused by heartbreak. As mentioned, it sends us into our automatic physiological response of fight or flight, taking time to bring ourselves back to a state where this is no longer a perceived danger. There’s no set time frame for this healing, however, you may want to consider taking action when the feelings start to compromise your day-to-day life. 

Things to look out for:

  • A persistent low or depressed mood

  • A loss of interest in pleasurable activities (known as ‘Anhedonia’)

  • Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

  • A physical lack of energy and feeling of fatigue

  • Difficulty to concentrate and/or making decisions

  • Frequent sleep disturbances

  • Changes in appetite, significant weight loss, or weight gain

  • Impaired cognitive function, slowed thinking, speech, or decreased movement 

  • Recurring thoughts around death, suicidal ideation, suicidal plan

How therapy can help:

The feelings around rejection and separation are very intimate and we may not feel comfortable talking about it with those that already know us well. Whereas discussing our deepest feelings with an empathetic therapist in a neutral, safe environment can provide the ideal platform for us to facilitate healing. 

We (professional therapists included!) can doubt ourselves and struggle to see the light that lies ahead whether that be in finding love again or discovering happiness in another form. Therapy can help in reframing our experience and countering any negative thought patterns, helping to refocus your attention on personal identity, and self-worth, and visualizing the promising future ahead. 

At Footprint, we offer a non-judgmental space for you to process the “why” around a heartbreak, working through any sense of loss and accelerating the process of closure in order for you to move on. Our team of licensed, highly-experienced professionals will help you work through even your darkest of demons so you can leave each session feeling one step closer to freedom. If you think this is something you or someone you love may need, learn more about how we can help you on our website https://www.footprintnj.com/.